just a few days ago my friend suggested me a person ..extremely weird..insane, erratic and perfectly matching my kind…but still having no interest in darkside..nor interests in any weird topics and subjects.This guy had autism….a mental disorder having impaired neural activity.thus making him erratic..but he had certain other gifts with him…like he never gets bored..he will listen to a bunch of songs continuously entire day and still wont get bored. but if there are loud noises, people shouting..he cant walk away but just says his head starts paining.ha has always been a laughing stock..but that strikes a similarity and a nerve in my head.
goths always behave different cause they are different.They always feel they are from a different planet.hmm…this has always been my experience..after all only a goth will know better..
but what exactly caught my interest is that i too must be prey to one such weird disorder. and after a bit of research i finallly found it. it is known as Asperger’s Syndrome….though i am normal in linguistic abilities, and have quite IQ to be a more than average student…i always have been weird and teased through my life by normal people as i never could adjust with them…ofcourse i have been a goth and an outcast my entire life…but now i thought i could understand the reason why so.
Asperger’s syndrome has many things which i can notice many of my goth friends doing…being highly perceptive and at such limits to think themselves having some kind of supernatural ability(me too included), sensitive to high sounds or light…hmm..i am too both…if i hear loud noises..i dont seem to be able to focus on anything..become extremely violent and fall sick most of the times…..sensitivity light has actually made me nocturnal(like a vamp )….though it has no effect ,i feel very uncomfortable and uneasy in bright lights. hearing sense though seems better as i can hear a pin drop in a class full of people or can listen and makeout conversations among groups of people easier…making it always easier for me to eaves drop.
the weirdness doesnt end here but majorly is observed in social interactions and emotional receptions.i can never make good friends except a few whom i actually will talk the whole day..i donno why these people are exceptions but its better as atleast i can talk properly with them and they understand me.
Rest i am bullied and have been a laughingstock as i never am intrested in teasing and abusing people..an have no interest in human affairs and social life….so the normal brethren take it up on me..as they know i wont hit back..
i also dont seem to feel any emotions and never have been able to understand the emotions between two people or a person and how should i approach them..as i cant exactly sense the emotions behind it. it exactly is weird..but in case of my girlfriend..i can still sense emotions and behave accordingly..luckily she adds up to the bunch of understanding few.
also among other things i observed is i can never remember faces of people how much i seem to try and is always reflected in my art where i am always unable to draw a characters face..not that it matters as its mostly macabre and gothic drawings. though i can perfectly remember phone numbers and bank account numbers , user names passwords, and many such other things in just a single read. This seems weird but also cool as i never have to enter the contact list or maintain a diary of numbers and usernames and passwords.
hmm…insomnia may also account but its not exactly insomnia..i cant sleep until i want to..if i dont lie on my bed for half an hour and try to sleep i can go on for 3-4 days at a stretch without falling asleep and without any need to sleep. also food requirement seems to m=be minimal as i can eat once in two days and dont feel hungry…also drink a glass of water once a day and still remain satisfied.
I dont particularly have any interest in humor and jokes cracked at me or anyone else.
after this i actually found a community of goths called Aspie Goths…hmm..may be they too must be like this…but as far as i have known..this is more amazing and awesome…than being a normal person!!